Friday, January 18, 2008

Freestyle Friday

Friday is the day anything is possible. It's the day before the weekend. What's more magical than that? So I give myself permission to post whatever comes to mind. Jokes. Family secrets. Industry gossip. Requests for help. Whatever.

Therefore, I've decided to post the hook, or pitch paragraph, I've been working on for my query letter. I hope you'll tell me what you think, and please give me your feedback if you have any:

Half angel and half human, Chalice knows that inheriting powers from your parents has its drawbacks. At the age of thirteen, she's abducted by a society of magicians who force her to use her super senses to steal cursed objects they can sell to the highest bidder. Twelve years later, a note from her dead mother reveals a secret that promises Chalice a chance for a new life.

As much as Chalice would like to tell her magical masters to go to hell, it won't do her any good. The society has bonded her to a gargoyle's curse and she must either kill the beast to be free, or, if separated from it for more than three days, she'll turn into a bat-winged creature like itself. Problem is, killing an immortal gargoyle is impossible. Her fallen angel father says it can be done, but freedom is never free. Everything has its price, and in this case, the currency is death.


Anonymous said...

Hi Karen,
I agree the pitch is getting there! Only thing is, it still reads to me like she has only two choices a) turn into a gargoyle b) kill the gargoyle. And obviously neither option would benefit her masters, so the logic still isn't quite hanging together for me. In fact of course the whole point of the bond is to keep her in line, right? So what if you put in something about how "now she can never leave its side" or "never be far from the bat-winged creature for long, lest she turn into a gargoyle herself"? Just suggestions :D

Rose Nanashima

Karen Duvall said...

I see your point, Rose. 8^) I made a change that I hope works now. Thanks!

Paty Jager said...

As you know, this isn't my kind of stuff, but you've tweaked my curiosity.